What Child?!

November 1, 2009 at 10:54 am (Uncategorized)

In case I haven’t been raving enough about it, Tori Amos is releasing a Christmas album entitled Midwinter Graces and it’s due on November 10, 2009. It has, however, leaked and I couldn’t help but download a couple of tracks just to get the vibes. It sounds good. The reviews sound good. I cannot wait.

Midwinter Graces

ZOMG, she's floating and over-photoshopped.

Like I did for Abnormally Attracted To Sin, the album she released earlier this year, I will speculate on the tracklist. Some of them are traditional songs, others are original songs and others are concatenations of different traditional pieces, which makes this an exciting album indeed.

1. What Child, Nowell (About a girl named Nowell, and her mother’s frustration over Nowell’s teenage pregnancy.)
2. Star Of Wonder (It’s about Lindsay Lohan and her fall from grace, formerly being a “star of wonder.”)
3. A Silent Night With You (A really slutty ode to Christmas sex. Naughty.)
4. Candle: Coventry Carol (It’s about when you burn the Christmas tree after receiving awful presents.)
5. Holly, Ivy and Rose (Three extremely promiscuous girls go out on the town on Christmas Eve to be deflowered. They like it.)
6. Harps of Gold (Like a musical version of Ocean’s 11 with some bits of Christmas With The Kranks, it talks about a major Yuletide heist to steal precious solid gold harps from an aging Italian-American gangster.)
7. Snow Angel (About a girl who makes a snow angel that comes to life and becomes her best friend. However, she finds out its intentions are not all that innocent.)
8. Jeanette, Isabella (Ivy is murdered by the vicious hitman, Snow Angel. Holly and Rose are next on his list. They become milkmaids in a remote village on the French countryside and change their names to Jeanette and Isabella. Still, they cannot escape their troubled past.)
9. Pink and Glitter (It’s beginning to look a lot like gay Christmas.)
10. Emmanuel (About a dude named Emmanuel. Duh.)
11. Winter’s Carol (Jeanette and Isabella get help from an undercover agent named Carol, who is actually the spirit of Winter, ergo Winter is Carol, get it? She lures them to Snow Angel on the premise of helping them. A twist worthy of M. Night Shyamalan.)
12. Our New Year (Jeanette and Isabella outwit Carol and Snow Angel and escape to the Bahamas in time for New Year.)

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